A New Year's Resolve: CLOSE YOUR LEGS TO MARRIED MEN
- toniwo
- Jan 4, 2017
- 3 min read
Bringing in the new year brings new insight and changes we all want to make in our lives. Some want to lose weight, gain spirituality and some might find themselves at that weird stage in life where it appears that it’s slim pickings when it comes to finding quality men. So you decided to reactivate your dating profile on some site where you can pick a man like you are picking fruit at the grocery store. You should know better because although dating sites tout love, it really isn’t a place to look for it. People lie. Still, against your better judgment you chose to give it a shot once more.
So you’re swiping through the app and the more you swipe, the more you realize that finding quality men might be a real possibility. Despite all the mud ducks on the site, you finally see someone who caught your eye. And he’s a match. He messages you the next day and you have a nice dialogue going. You realized that you have more than a few things in common. After days of exchanging numbers, he immediately asks you on a date for the very next evening. He’s a go-getter and you like it!
He takes you to a nice restaurant to talk and get to know each other more. After some intellectually stimulating conversation, you think he might be worth pursuing. You no longer feel hopeless, thanking the dating site gods for creating the perfect match. You bring the conversation down to a more local level discussing your career, entertainment gossip and things you have in common from politics to your childhood dramas and traumas. He’s pretty funny and there was a lot of laughs. In the car on the way back you gaze into his eyes and he into yours. He leans in and the kiss is imminent. You close your eyes knowing that you will enjoy this as much as you have enjoyed the rest of the evening and he says, “Um, before we go further, I need to make you aware of my “situation.” Naturally, your pucker transformed into a confused expression as you inquire “What situation?”
He reveals that he was currently separated from his wife of almost 5 years. Before you can get your thoughts, he continues with he does his thing and she does hers, yada yada, yada and will drop every excuse in the world. His sob story is typical of every man who suffers from the “having his cake and eating it too” syndrome that plagues most commitment phobes. He follows up that booby trap with “I hope you’re okay with all of this?” Your mind should immediately say “Run, girl! Run!” Instead, your mouth says, “I understand, that’s a tough situation to be in.” You have committed your first oops, you let him dazzle you with bullshit.
Here is the reality:
By staying in this situation-ship, you will hear about and see how all of it affects him. His venting and rambling about something she did or said. His bad mood after picking up his children from her place. To sum it all up, he always had a problem and his overall attitude will be a vibe-killer for someone who was just looking to get to know him better and have a good time. I know, I know, sometime we do illogical things even when we already know the more logical solution, especially when you liked the representative that he brought on the first date. Rationalizing his bad attitude because of his “situation” is really foolish. But it’s being human. I get it. You like him and he states he was trying to move forward from it. So you give him a chance. Bad idea. Offer the number to a great marriage counselor then chunk him the deuce.
The bottom line we all show our best face or the representative on the first date but remember separated is still married and you will walk away empty-handed, if you are not careful. Yes married couples have issues and might find themselves with their backs against the wall or running into the same conflicts over and over again and are at a standstill on what to do. The separation is supposed to allow space for both of them to step back and evaluate the problems without the influence of one other. If he dating, he is just running from his problems and further complicating things by bringing and innocent third party who only know his side of the story. So, until the ink drives on those divorce papers, close your legs (and your heart) to married men.
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