BELIEVING THE SLEEPING DOGS LIE

The love (or lust) of your life has just left the building. You both want your beloved to stay the night but for whatever reason, your beloved has to go home. You don’t like it, but you understand. An hour later, your beloved’s number pops up on your caller ID. You get excited because maybe you can talk your beloved into coming back over and snuggle under your warm comforter. Its cold outside and after the evening’s events, you just don’t want to sleep alone. In the few seconds before answering the phone, you devise a game plan on what to say to get your beloved back over, even considering making your love breakfast in bed.

When you answer the phone, there is an unfamiliar voice on the other end that lets you know that your beloved is married. Your response: So? You are engaged in a verbal battle armed with a barrage of information that your beloved has given you. You let the insignificant other that your beloved is not happy in the marriage, they are only there for the children, they have already filed for divorce but the person on the other line dragging their feet, you remind them they don’t have sex or sleep in the same room, and according to your beloved, the person on the line is mean and surly, is no longer respected or loved and your beloved wished they had met you first.

Really? You believe that? Actually, you don’t. Because whether you are new to the sidepiece game or an experience one, these are the most famous lies tell. And they aren’t particularly good lies either. It’s just as a love-struck sidepiece you are willing to believe the lie.

During the same call, information is revealed about the purchase of a new home, a new kid on the way, a recent trip to Barbados, and even the renewal of wedding vows in a huge ceremony you’re your beloved professing their undying love for the very significant other in front of God, family and friends-all live on Facebook.

One thing that is for certain is that cheaters will tell untruths, I’m being so nice…they lie. Part of being a cheater is the compulsion to say whatever it is to get someone to believe something that isn’t true or real for their own purposes. As an infidelity analyst, if I had a quarter for every person that wanted an explanation on why people cheat and lie to the other woman or other man about the state of their marriage, I’d be like Cardi B singing, “I’m rich, I’m rich, I’m rich.” However, I will keep it simple, cheaters lie out of fear, for manipulation, and for ego. So, why do sidepieces believe them?

A lie is charming, amusing and relaxing. The truth is upsetting. Lovestruck sidepieces cling to false facts despite overwhelming evidence that shows them otherwise. This is called motivated reasoning. These sidepieces completely ignore contrary information and still develop elaborate rationalizations for the lie. Why? Making peace with the truth puts them in an uncomfortable state of disenchantment. Having to admit that you have been betrayed by your beloved is more than one can bear. Your beloved has told you that you were beautiful/handsome, strong, sexy, wife/husband material, made your body feel things no one else has every made it feel, takes you places, buys you things, listens to you, understands you, motivates you to do better and makes you a better person. You chose to believe the intel that they gave you about the person they say is their insignificant other because you believe you are living the truth about the things they are telling you about yourself, right? It’s plausible, right?

If you chose to believe the person on the other end of the phone you have to face the truth about everything your beloved has said and its scary. The truth is, being with them does not make you a better person, it makes you a home wrecker. You are not beautiful/handsome because knowingly hurting someone else is ugly. The only motivation your beloved provided was to get you to drink the Kool-Aid of deception. The truth is, your beloved is a devious and malicious creature with not so hidden agendas…that doesn’t lock his phone.

#breakingsoulties #liargame #liarsonline #emotionalaffair #datingquestions #yourtango