Happy Side-Baby Mama's Day

1. Box O’ Wine – Get her ass drunk enough on Saturday night that she will be too hung over to pop her ass up at your church on Sunday. There are at least 20 glasses per box. So two boxes will do.

2. Beeper –With today’s technology, it is so hard to balance your wife and your sidepiece. You are constantly deleting texts and DM’s from the sidepiece, so your wife won’t find out. Instead of having to pray that your sidepiece doesn’t call while you are with the wife, give her a beeper. It’s the perfect gift. It keeps you in control of all communication with her. If you can actually find one for purchase and a company that can provide the service, let me know, I can put it on my website.

3. Television streaming service – for those Netflix and Chill nights. This will keep her occupied so she won’t be texting and calling you all night (if you haven’t gotten her a beeper). She can binge watch, Scandal. After seeing how Olivia Pope handles her job as the President’s side-piece (Seasons 1-4), then she will see that there might be hope for her. If she’s a history buff, get her Hulu Plus subscription for the Hulu Original show, Harlots, it’s about historical sidepieces in England.

4. Snuggie– when you are cuddled up with your wife, the mother of your legitimate children, you will definitely need to make sure your sidepiece is warm too. The Snuggie, a wearable blanket with sleeves, pockets, that comes in many colors. The built-in pocket is especially convenient. She can keep her beeper in it, in case you make a late night booty beep. Spray your cologne on it for good measure.

5. Bath gift set (under $10) – This is probably more for you than her. There is nothing worse than a smelly sidepiece. Tell her that you appreciate the time and effort to balance taking care of your side-baby and being your sidepiece. Promise to give her a nice romantic bath. Wait until the kid is asleep. Nothing kills a romantic mood like a kid screaming “daddy, daddy” while you are trying to get your groove on before getting home to your real family.

6. Plan B- You should have invested in this pre- side-baby, but that’s irrelevant at this point. But for a relatively small, upfront investment, you can avoid much larger costs of having a second side-baby with this chick. It’s the difference between 20% of your income for child support or 25%.

7. eHarmony subscription – Put the subscription in a card to make it extra special. The best gift you can give her is a head start to finding a man of her own successful enough to take care of her and your side-baby. If she is happy, you might be able to get those child support payments reduced.

You definitely want to give the mother of your side-baby a gift that is appropriate to her position and that doesn’t send the wrong message. Remember, a happy life means keeping that sidepiece hidden from your wife. Happy Side-Baby Day!

#MothersDaygift #sidechick #babyma