HOW TO WALK AWAY FROM A SIDEPIECE SITUATION-3 PART SERIES PART 1: THE SIDEPIECE PERSPECTIVE

Being the sidepiece isn't all it’s cracked up to be. It's time to move on and find a real relationship.

Not everyone sets out to be a sidepiece. But there are some women may have their sights on having a situation-ship with an unattainable man for whatever reason (money, power, revenge, competition); however, no one deliberately falls in love. Despite the best of intentions, you may suddenly realize one day that the "casual" fling has become riddled with emotion and has turned into full blown love. Whether the emotional part is mutual or one-sided, being infatuated with the unattainable man rarely works out in favor of the sidepiece in the end. In fact, it often brings on nothing but pain and heartache.

Being aware, and doing something to change it, are often two different things. Falling out of love with an unattainable man is harder to do than with a single man, for a variety of reasons. The good news is that it can be done by employing a few hardcore tactics.

Why Is Falling Out of Love Harder?

There are a number of reasons why falling out of love with an unattainable man is frequently more complicated than with an available man. If you have been utilizing your sidepiece skills well, you were not stupid enough to have an affair with a broke cheater. Under that premise, it’s likely that the unattainable man spends a considerable amount of money on his sidepiece. Whether in the form of lavish gifts or straight out support, giving up that aspect of the affair can be difficult.

In a relationship, when the marriage or long term relationship ends with a man, you typically divide the assets and walk away with something; however, when you end a situation-ship with a married man, you walk away empty-handed in most cases.

Falling out of love with an available man generally happens because the relationship has simply run its course, or because something happened that changed how you feel about him. With the unattainable man, you only see him at his best for short periods of time. You don't spend enough time with him to get bored of him, and the situation-ship never really gets out of the "honeymoon" phase. It's a constant rush of endorphins and adrenaline — forbidden fruit is so hard to resist.

As a result, it doesn't run a normal course, so to speak. However, the times you are away from him, you are marred with anger, mistrust, loneliness and unrealistic fantasies. Until he comes back again. This rollercoaster can continue for years, taking away any real happiness you may find with someone that is attainable.

How to Fall Out of Love with the Unattainable Man

Once you have decided that continuing the situation-ship with the unattainable man is only going to bring you heartache in the end, and that it is unlikely to end without you taking affirmative action, it is time to do something about it:

1. Get a Distraction: One option is to start dating someone that is single and available one. Interestingly, many sidepieces who become involved with the unattainable man are surprisingly faithful to him. Even if you are inherently faithful, the bottom line is that he is not being faithful to you and you owe him no loyalty. Get out and open yourself up to other possibilities. Ending the situation-ship when you are still in love with someone is hard to do, but it can be easier if you can open yourself up to real relationship, or at least the possibility of a great distraction.

2. Show me the Money: If you have never actually asked for money or gifts, start asking. If you do typically ask, ask for more. While he may agree to begin with, he will eventually get irritated with your requests, leading to a rift in the relationship. In the meantime, stash the money or gifts in case you are left financially worse off when the situation-ship finally ends.

3. More Time: Another tactic to employ, when possible, is to push for more time with him. Extended periods of time together are even better. When you only see someone for brief periods of time, they only show you their best side. Try spending a few days with him and you might be surprised at what you see. Let those little things irritate you and don't hold back when you find yourself disagreeing with him. Although picking a fight might be going too far, don't avoid one either.

4. Let them step into the bad side: During an affair, we tend to only show our best representative, let them see bad side as well. Now is the time to let loose — complain, cry, yell and develop expectations. In short, act as though this is a normal relationship. You will likely be surprised at how quickly Mr. Big loses his halo and you start to wonder why you ever fell in love with him in the first place.

5. Start acting Needy: One of the biggest turn offs in any relationship or situation-ship is the act of neediness. It destroy romantic relationships, compromises opportunities, and contributes to a cycle of frustration, depression, and dissatisfaction. So the moment you start to act desperate, start nagging, show self-centeredness, or become clingy, he might run for the hills.

6. Love You instead of Him: Finally, and most importantly, fall in love with yourself. Ask yourself why you accept the bullshit thrown to you by this person. Remind yourself that you deserve love and that you are worthy of a real and loving relationship.

Sometimes it’s not easy to end a relationship. Maybe you had a fantasy that a situation-ship would turn into something meaningful and you come to the realization it was just that, a fantasy. You actually have to grieve that possibility. Endings can be complicated. It can hurt to let that go. And, at the same time, the guilt and remorse about the situation-ship may also be very intense. Moving on with integrity and remembering who you are and whose you are is actually the best way to end the affair.

Know your worth.

~toniwo