ARE YOU TRULY SOULMATES OR HAVE A LOVE ADDICTION?

You hug each other like its the last time. You stand in front of each other, holding hands and somehow, Nettie and Celie, from The Color Purple comes to mind. To break the tension, you both start singing your own version of their hand clap, "me and you, us never part. My sweet baby. Me and you, us have one heart. My sweet baby. Ain’t no ocean, ain’t no sea. My sweet baby. Keep my bae away from me.” But it doesn't matter, the world, work and life in general will allow you to part, at least temporarily. As much as you think you could survive off love, bills, food and shelter "will be that thing that keeps you away from me, my sweet baby."

You stand quietly in the doorway, watching the one you love drive away, and a single tear runs down your face. Ever since you met that person years ago, even through your break up, the entrance of other people, relationships and children, you both keep finding your way back to each other. You sit at your kitchen table with a glass of wine writing poetry about them. The rhythm of how your hearts beat together, the intense connection the two of you share and how you both accept each other’s flaws. You are each other’s idea of wonderful. You both think of each other daily and you understand each other. Déjà vu from a past keeps you holding on because after all, you are soulmates. The personification of love as each of you has the other’s heart, mind and soul. No one has ever fulfill you the way your soulmate has.

The one thing I forgot to add to this picturesque setting is that the other person is married.

Wake up! THIS IS NOT YOUR SOULMATE.

Here’s why: A soulmate is someone who awakens and challenges us so we can become the best versions of ourselves. Your soulmate makes you feel entirely whole, healed and intact. In this…whatever… you are lonely, doubting yourself and become a person of little to no substance because you spend your days and nights pining over something that doesn’t belong to you.

Sure it feels a lot like a soulmate, I know, I get it. You feel something inside about that person that you can’t explain, some lingering emotion that has no describable words. You feel like you met them a lifetime before and you are so into each other. You are mentally inseparable, feel secure and protected when you are together, you look each other in the eye and fall in love over and over again, even with their flaws. It’s you and them against the world and you can’t imagine life without them. You haven’t located your soulmate, what you are experiencing is the release of oxytocin, or the love drug.

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone that plays a huge role in all pair bonding. When the hormone is stimulated during sex, it creates a euphoric state that feel like love and when it is released through orgasm, it makes one hallucinate the idea of a soulmate situation.

And who doesn’t enjoy the reward that comes from feeling good after sex? However, after receiving their ‘feel good dose’ of the love drug, your soulmate goes back to being themselves and their real lives, not the fantasy used to escape the crappy existence that you have both created for yourselves under the influence of that love drug.

Your soulmate brings out the best in you. You don’t feel lonely when you are away from them because having a soulmate means you are not alone. They help you heal, not create another wound. Having a soulmate will awaken you, not have you withdraw from the world fighting the depression of not having them there with you.

Are you a better person because of them? Think about it. You are sneaking around, listening to the lies (and you know they are lies), fantasizing about a life with someone who has a life with someone else. Your soulmate would never do that to you, but great sex that triggers a dose of the love drug will.

Addiction to the love drug causes willful ignorance to a sidepiece situation (knowledge the other person is married), minimizes the seriousness of what is being done (the fact you are a sidepiece), and has you rationalizing and creating justifications on dumb stuff (stating that person is your soulmate, when they are married). Understanding the addictive qualities of the love drug can really open your eyes to why you've made silly decisions about this person.

Look deeply into the person you believe is your soulmate’s eyes and ask yourself, does this person really bring out the best version me or am I under the influence of the love drug? If it is the latter, please seek help from Jesus and ask what would he do? Then go buy you a WWJD bracelet to remind you that Jesus wouldn’t do that and neither should you. If you are truly soulmates, you will see them next lifetime, where you will be butterflies and won’t worry about the fact that they have a spouse.

Know your worth.

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